Days like these...

Test my patience and make me wonder whether or not I am really cut out for this, whether I want to pursue it as a career or not.

The girls weren't listening to me all day. We went to the library first to sign up for the summer reading program and get some books. They were being loud and not acting the way I expect them to act in public. I should have taken them straight home after that, but I wanted to not give up on them and myself and give it another chance.

I had to take them to the grocery store with me, something I usually am able to do alone, without stress. We didn't even need that many things, yet I spent as much time as I would doing a full shopping trip alone. They weren't paying attention to where I was going and would fall behind, and I had to lecture them on the importance of not being snatched up and sold into slavery in Asia. They would touch EVERYTHING, at one point sending a few unknown vegetables onto the floor. Some kind of gourd, I think. This was right after I got done telling the other one to stop touching the produce, and when you do stop touching it, don't throw it into the bin, because other people don't want to have to buy bruised avocados because of you.

When I got home I started making dinner, cut myself just a little bit (nbd) and served it to ungrateful children. Twin #1 has been on this negative, nay-saying trip lately where everything isn't good enough for her extremely refined taste. What do you want? I don't know. Do you want this? No. This? No. This? No! Well what do you want?! I don't know. Well, sorry, you're getting this. TheMom wants me to stop giving them choices. I need to remember that.

Then after I was done at 6:45, I had a discussion with TheMom about time I'm taking off in the upcoming months. I asked to be off 15 minutes early one night, but I didn't ask with tact. It wasn't the right time to ask, and I should have known that. She reprimanded me. I cried.

I haven't been very tactful at all lately, in many of my relationships. I feel like my brain is in screw-up mode, where I want to ruin everything good and try to convince myself that it was the right thing. Well, I'm not going to let my stupid brain win this time. I got a book at the library today called "This is How: Help for the Self" written by Augustus Burroughs. I haven't read anything by him before, but this looks like it might be good for me to read right now. I'm feeling kind of lost, disconnected, and resentful (for no good reason). I need to fix my attitude. I'm going to make some lists tonight.

After I ran (doing Couch to 5K, and I'm restarting from week 3), I felt better. I think exercise is going to be something I will lean on more and more the better I get at it. It has so many benefits, and one of my main health goals is to be in optimum shape for when I actually have a baby myself, which isn't going to happen anytime soon, but it's good to be prepared. Being a nanny is a very active job, and there's nothing worse than having to care for children when you're drowsy and fat.

This was a bit of a rant, but this is partly what this blog is for: dealing with the realities of this very unique job. Its what I'm best at and can make the most money doing; I can't let myself get discouraged and off track. If I stick with things, good things happen, and if I give them up, all I have is regret.

Discussing dinner

D: "I have a great idea... cereal sandwiches!"
Me: "How's that gonna work, cereal will fall out the sides."
D: "We can seal up the edges so they stick together."
Me: "With what, glue?"
D: "With CREAM CHEESE!"

I use Allrecipes.com for many of my meal ideas. It has been my favorite recipe website for a few years now. My favorite feature is the recipe search by ingredient, where you can specify the ingredients you have, as well as ingredients you don't have. For example, if you wanted to make brownies but didn't have butter, you can search for brownies with oil or applesauce but without butter.

By the way, I made this recipe for Best Brownies a few weeks ago. Do not make these, they are horrible. And by horrible, I mean that you want to eat the whole tray in one sitting and then feel incredibly guilty afterward. I've warned you.

Babysitting bag which would also be good for the pool this summer.